Just Tears

My sister should have been 66 today. She’s celebrating her first birthday in heaven, though, so I know she’s happy.

Me? I’ve cried all day.

I’ve kept busy. Worked. Ran. Went to the bookstore and bought some cheap books. Ones we would have enjoyed together. Worked some more. Ate comfort food. Prepped clean food. Cleaned out a cabinet. Wiped tears through it all.

I’ve also celebrated. Her life. Her love for me. (She called me “Bambi” when I was little. I have no idea why.) Her love for her whole family. The flowers and berries I saw on my run. The fact that I woke up on the right side of the dirt and was able to go for a run.

This grief thing is new to me. And devastating. It sneaks up on me and bites me on the a**. I’ve dreaded today, but never thought I’d shed the copious amounts of tears that I have. My heart is broken, and as I reflect on the losses of others dear to me, I am saddened even more. Two friends who’ve lost husbands, another whose elderly parents are frail and she’s their only support, too many others to enumerate here.

This is just a day. I’ll be better tomorrow and will go my merry way. Learning to live with grief is like that, I think. One day at a time.

Hug your loved ones today. Celebrate them while they’re here with you. I mean it. Put your computer down and call them. Now.

I don’t have any deep thoughts today. No answers to dealing with grief. Just tears. And, a promise of spring.